| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|09:56 pm] |
i'm married and i hate it!
anyone interested in fun w/ a married male from ct? seriously.
ugh, just kill me already. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|12:16 am] |
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SO PISSED OFF. don't even want to explain. |
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| oh boy |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|07:26 pm] |
alright, i gotta vent to someone, and that someone can't be anyone i know... well this all started yesterday morning with some stupid away message i put up... something along the lines of "someone come over and warm me up, the fiance won't mind, i swear!" first off, yes i am engaged. well, one of my friends from school replied with "i'll come over." and from there, we had a very dirty, yet joking conversation about how i'll pick her up, we only need five minutes, she has to go to class now, but after class who knows... etc... well, we have a class together and her, one other girl, and I all went to my house to edit a video for class. most of the time we were just talking and goofing around and shit. i was able to get a little bit of work done on this video, but that was about it. and the whole time, i kept joking with her (all of this was hinting toward sex, but jokingly). then, stupid me, i decided to try this out and possibly see if i had a chance here. i think this girl is very attractive and would _love_ to do anything with her... which at the same time is bad. remember, i'm engaged. what the hell am i doing? so, i kept jokingly trying to work my way to her. she didn't actually realize i was serious until later... and it's terrible because at that moment i wanted her so bad. it's bad enough that i am checking her out, but i'm fucking engaged. i love my girlfriend/fiance... don't get me wrong. me and the other girl that was over were joking and saying "oh it's his last fling." and so i stuck with that. but last night, i would have done anything to be with this girl. instead, she left with the other girl (thank god), and nothing happened. except now i've made a total ass of myself. and when she got back to her place, we talked more on the instant messenger and we're both sorry about what happened, i feel like a total piece of shit, and just plainly put, i look like a typical male asshole. aaaand, she's not quite over her ex at the moment either. why was i doing this? i feel really really bad and i wish i could of left this all as a joke, instead of trying to get serious here. and now, she doesn't things to be weird between us (me neither), but last night after talking to her on the IM, i felt kinda empty.... she would not type for several minutes, give short responses, etc. i probably sound like i'm crazy. i'm just assuming that she was talking to other people about the ordeal she just went through to me. i don't know. all i know is that i was sitting in front of my computer with one conversation open between me and her. and that short period of time where you're waiting for a response is an eternity. so today i just IM'ed her to comment on the away message she had up, and she hasn't IM'ed me or anything. maybe she just doesn't have anything to say. maybe she really really really doesn't want to talk to me ever again. maybe she forgot about the whole thing... i have no idea. maybe i'm reading into this waaaaay too much. the good news is that i didn't do anything. although i really really would have loved to, i didn't. but now i look like i just wanted a piece of ass. honestly, i have been in love with this girl since i've met her, a little over a year ago. i don't mean love like i think about her every second... she's just one of those girls that catches your eye, and you happen to see every week. if i was not in a relationship, i'm sure things would have been different. but i'm engaged, i've been in this relationship for five years now. i'm really glad that she was the one thinking because i obviously wasn't. and i'm really glad about that too because i don't want to lose my fiance either. now, if i could have both, that would be a different story...
so the question is, now what? i'm definitely not going to try to pursue anything here... but i still want to be friends. did i just ruin this friendship i had here. this of course happens when we started to hang out with each other more too... yes we were only hanging out more mainly for school projects and stuff, but did i just really fuck things up here? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2005|09:37 am] |
This will be the only public post. Everything else will be friends only. Nothing really exciting in here anyway.
Thanks. |
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